Not Enough
by TheIncredibleDancingBetty
Summary: Don is forced to make a tragic decision for his family. Oneshot. CHARACTER DEATH


Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT

A/N: I don't know why I have to write this, I just HAVE to! I don't know who else gets these feelings, hopefully I'm not the only one! Here I am trying to finish the chapter of Death Rising Among Us and this won't get out of my head. Originally I was going to have it with a different turtle, but thanks to Pretender Fanatic I couldn't help but switch it to the way it is now. I hope you enjoy this, it's been a while since I cranked out a oneshot!

Not Enough

* * *

This couldn't be happening.

I looked at the glass vial in my hand. All at once my heart felt as cold as the glass that was clutched in my fingers. Shaking, I placed the vial of clear liquid next to the other one with a deeper blue hue. Darting my eyes to the screen displaying the instructions in utrom language that I had just deciphered, I redid the calculations for the hundreth time. Unfortunately the results ended just like the previous 99.

There simply wasn't enough.

I leaned back in my chair, half expecting myself to wake up from this nightmare, but it wasn't a dream. It was all too real.

I couldn't believe it still. Who would've thought that Bishop would do something like that? It was a move of suicide! Maybe he realized that we had foiled him for the last time, after all the feds were suspicious, his funding was being cut...this was his last attempt.

Shaking my head, I cupped my forehead in my hands. I regretted ever setting foot in that place! But we had to! He was going to use the stolen utrom technology, along with that scrap of utrom DNA...an army like that would be horrendous with the way that he had the ability to manufacture and use it. The organisms wouldn't fail like his other messy attempts, the world would essentially have an enemy of free thinking, intelligent Shredders.

We never expected the gas. We never suspected his desperation.

Yet our attack went on as planned, my explosives went off as planned, why didn't we plan for the gas? Why didn't _I_ plan for the gas? I was supposed to be the one to think of these things! It was my fault...

At least I was able to search through his computer, find the name of the poison used and snatch a bag of vials before the building practically collapsed around me, everything inside destroyed.

So it was up to me to search through the utrom database that we had and translate the unknown portions. It was up to me to find the correct antidote, a mixture of a base along with a necessary catalyst, just one vial of each.

I glanced over at my family. They were by the couch, conversing quietly, yet nervously amongst themselves. Every once in a while one would glance in my direction, then nervously glance away. They had purposely left me alone, wanting my mind to be able to focus on the task and get it done as soon as possible. Splinter was among them offering his comfort, wisdom and love. They were all counting on me. My family was counting on me.

With that thought in mind, I grabbed the first syringe with an shaky hand. Pumping some air into the syringe chamber, I pushed it into the vial through the robber top as I flipped it upside down. The blue liquid filled the chamber until I took the needle out, careful not to spill a drop. I continued with the second, repeating the process as I drew a precisely measured amount. Finally I got the third, slowly withdrawing the needle as the level of liquid fell until I was sucking out the last few drops into the plastic chamber. Then, just as meticulously, I drew in some more air and pushed it into the second vial of clear catalyst, my thumb pushing on the plunger. Careful not to get any of the original liquid into the second vial, I once again withdrew the liquid, immediately shaking the stuff together and putting it on a tray of ice, as the instructions insisted. Repeating the process with the next two syringes, this vial was now as empty as its mate. Solemly I looked at the three syringes,sitting in the ice until they cooled to the proper temperature, my heart doing strange little flips.

It was the minimum dosage for beings of our weight and composition. There was no way to seperate the antidote into four equal syringes and expect four living turtles. No one would make it.

Three filled syringes, two empty vials, and four infected turtles. I darted my eyes out to my brothers once more.

Should I tell them?

Leo was talking to the other two, probably encouraging them to be calm and patient while I calculated the dosages and mixture. He would insist on protecting us, as he always did. He was always there, always reliable, always willing to step into harms way. There was no doubt in my mind that he would insist on the rest of us take it and him do without. I swallowed hard, a lump gathering in my throat as I thought of it, of our Leo, dead and us alive. I don't know how we could stand it, he is the glue that binds us together, our leader.

I closed my eyes.

As soon as I opened them my eyes fell upon Mikey, nervously smiling as he playfully teased Raph, visibly easing their tension as well as his own. He wouldn't know what to do with the news, would likely be looking to one of us to make the ultimate decision, but he would stand there with the rest of us. Like Leo, I know he wouldn't hesitate to be the odd one out, in fact, he might even try to sneak it somehow so that we would have no choice... yet until the end he would be like he always was, playful, youthfull, a buffer to all of our emotions. He played a pivitol roll in morale around here, he was everyone's baby brother.

Looking at Raph, I saw my red-banded brother making little conversation, simply standing there with his arms crossed. He'd likely be pacing if Leo and Mikey weren't there talking to him with Splinter's hand on his arm. If he knew, he difinetly wouldn't give us a choice. Like the others, he'd want the rest of us to live, perhaps forcing the issue by running off. I could picture him doing that, knowing that the poison would take effect at nightfall. When we couldn't find him in time, we'd have to take the remainder ourselves while he died alone in the street, happy knowing that his brothers were alive. Not many would see that in him, his caring, his sacrifice to his brothers. Despite his best effort we know the true Raph. Our loving, stubborn brother.

Tears welled in my eyes as the lump in my throat grew bigger. There was also the chance that we would argue about it too long, die as a family not wishing one to die alone...Splinter sobbing over all of our bodies...I couldn't let that happen.

I sucked in air through my nostrils, willing the tears to stop even as they clouded my vision. Angrily I scrubbed at my eys with my arm, thinking about each of my brothers, I had to dig my nails painfully into my palm to keep them at bay even as the decision reached my mind.

They wouldn't die.

Tears would make them suspicious. They musn't suspect a thing. With hands trembling more than before, I snatched the fourth, empty syringe, grabbed an IV bag of saline and an empty glass. Stabbing the plastic membrane with the needle, I drew up as much as I could and shot it into the cup. Shakily, I searched through my many junk drawers, searching for what was needed, peeking my eyes over at my brothers to see if their behavior changed. Sure enough, they began to get antsy. I was taking too long. I couldn't find anything that would do except small jars of ink. They would have to do, I was running out of time. Choosing a blue hued one, I put it into the glass, drop by drop, until the blue color consistently matched the vials of actual antidote. I froze for a second, thinking about the side effects of ink in the blood system, then laughed at myself even as the thought popped in my brain.

After all, what did that matter?

Holding the syringe, I filled it with the saline-ink mixture until it was the same dosage amount as the others. Getting a small piece of clear tape, I put it on the syringe body to mark it and slapped it into the ice. Just as I looked up, there was Leo.

He clearly didn't want to bother me, but obviously his concern overall ruled out proper decorum. "Um, Donny, is it ready now?" He asked, his body posture slightly at unease until he saw the filled syringes. Then his features perked up a little, even a little relaxed. He was relieved. He believed his family would live. I tried not to laugh. Then he looked at me concerned. "Don? Are you alright?"

Instantly guilt and insecurity flashed in my brain. Did he know? Leo always knows! But he can't! Maybe he saw me...answer him Don! Answer! Don't appear too suspicious! "Uh, yeah, sure, why?" My voice was shanking. Damn! Why can't I reign in my emotions better! I can't have him suspect!

He looked at me somewhat suspiciously, concerned etched in his deep brown eyes. "But your voice...and your eyes..."

Why does he have to do this now! I just wanted to squirm under his stare but instead I took a steadying breath. "Well, I was in the building a lot longer than you finding the antidote, so the smoke got to my eyes. And as for my voice...well it was up to me to find the right mixture to save our lives, right? Wouldn't you be nervous? Besides, the sooner that I get this stuff into us, the better I'll feel!"

He grinned. "Amen to that! I knew we could count on you Donny!"

His words were like a cold blow to my conscious, though he couldn't have known it. Forcing an answering smile on my face, I placed the syringes, tourniquet and cotton swabs on a tray and carried them over to my anxious brothers. Their grins of relief at seeing me coming was something to behold.

I'd sure miss that.

We laughed in joked in the weak, relieved manner that people do after realizing that they'd come over great psychological stress seemingly unscathed. At Leo's request I did Mikey first, snapping the tourniquet tight on his forearm, rubbing his skin until his antecubital vein popped into view and smiling at his squeak of fright as the needle puncured his skin and into his vein. Withdrawing the plunger a bit until I got the red flashback, strangley turning the mixture an odd purple color, I pushed it slowly into his vein. With a tug on the simple knot, the tourniquet unfurled itself and Mikey backed away, whining but happy as he held the cotton ball to the puncture sight.

Next I did Raphael, smiling as he steadfastedly looked away from everything that I as doing, clearly nervous about the needle yet refusing to show it. I was over with him quickly. He grunted in thanks as I let him go. I smiled in return.

Leo was a bit more difficult, simply because he insisted that I go next. Finally I convinced him to go, and he sat in front of me, extending his arm without needing to be told. His vein was easy to find thanks to his many workouts and he was over quicker than the others.

But I needed to keep up appearances. Picking up the last syringe, my thumb rubbing over the tape, I injected it into myself since I didn't want any of my keen nosed brothers to smell the ink. I couldn't help but stare as the needle punctured my skin, the syringe chamber slowly emptying its useless contents of saltwater and ink into my vein. My brothers stood around me, grinning triumphantly as the last of their kin was saved. I couldn't help but smile as they patted me on the back, saying their boasts about their brainy brother who saved them with his quick thinking.

I blushed horribly under the praise, surely I was undeserving! If only they knew... Yet I sat there and took it, partly in needing their company in what I knew would be one of my last hours, and partly as a punishment to myself for not realizing the truth about the gas sooner, or at least for not grabbing more damn antidote!

Then there was a group embrace, started by Splinter. As a family we stood and clutched each other, grateful that the other was alive. Splinter started the waterworks, saying how he feared for our lives, how much he loved us, and how much he was blessed to have us stay in his life and in the lives of each other. I wasn't able to stop my own tears then. I sobbed with the rest of my family, though while they sobbed out of joy and relief, I did so for a different reason altogether.

I considered telling them then, that this was all a farce, only three of the antidotes were real. But I took one look at their faces and my heart broke. I just couldn't. How could I even think to take away this joy, this closeness! No, that wasn't all it. I wanted to choose my last hours. I didn't want to spend them getting mourned over, getting scolded for being so foolish, or even the arguments about why it shouldn't be me. I didn't want that, I made my choice.

Of course I was just being shelfish.

I wonder, after this, if they would ever forgive me.

Mikey joyfully shouted that this shouldn't disrupt movie night. Though Casey and April didn't come around as often, we still kept up the tradition. Selecting some movies that were chosen the previous night, we cooked prodigious amounts of popcorn and gorged ourselves in front of a classic action movie. I could hardly keep my mind on the set, instead lived in the moment of us cramming ourselves together as a family. Blurry eyed, I snuck my gaze and looked at each of my family's faces in turn, wondering which I would miss the most. The answer was none, I would miss them all the same, each in their own unique way.

Splinter in his kind, fatherly wisdom, discipline and love. Leo in his staunch perfectiveness, protectiveness, self discipline and strong head. Mikey in his enthusiastic frolicsomness, exhuberance and humor. Raph in his hotheaded, forceful yet kind way of showing that he cares while trying to do the opposite. I stared at them through the next two hours of the movie, memorizing their faces, putting them to my heart.

As the end credits rolled on the screens and my brothers happily disbanding, going about their separate pursuits, I couldn't help but feel it. The tightness, the pressure in my chest. Telling them that the smoke and stress got the better of me and I needed to sleep it off, I went to my room in a forcefully steady gait. I didn't want them to see me like this, I didn't want them to worry, there was nothing they could do. Nothing.

As soon as I stepped into my room I staggered, clutching my plastron. I knew what it was. It was starting. Somehow, with faltering steps I made it across the room onto my bed. I flopped, weak yet my muscles painfully spasming. I clutched my teeth, gritting them through the pain. By now the poison has finally absorbed into my bloodstream through the bronchi in my lungs. As it was pumped into my heart, the muscle in it kicked and jumped painfully, yet managed to expel it into my arteries, burning and spasming the adjoining muscle as it went along. I distracted myself, thinking about the process. The chemical signiture was unique, it mainly attacked muscle, though with a swift, painful efficiency unlike anything else on Earth. The first to go would be the most important, the relatively thin walls of my arteries and veins, then the muscles of the heart. The normally tough, fibrous tissue would dissolve like a slug whom had salt sprinkled over him. It only took time...

My body jerked again, my muscles twitching everywhere amongst my body as the poison seeped through the arteries and veins even as it ate everything else away. Tears came to my eyes. Suddenly I wished it to be over quickly, the pain was just too intense. I jerked my eyes open and looked wildly around me. The thought tore through my mind of leaving a note, some sort of explanation, but it was too late. I could hardly move my limbs on their own. I would go with nothing for them. It was then I realized that, through all my efforts, I was being shelfish again. I didn't want to be alone.

Finally, as another sweep of searing pain emanated form my body, I unclenched my jaws and screamed my pain. My anguish. My sorrow. My guilt.

My door slammed as they stampeded in, even as I shakily performed a reverse crab on my mattress. They were all over me, screams and sobs, shouts and whispers. Tears flooded my eyes and ran unchecked down my cheek even as my heart convulsed painfully in my ribcage. My breath, effected by my erroding diaphram, came in short, shallow gasps. My limbs and digits twitched uncontrollably.

"My son!" Splinter cried. He clutched my face. "My son!"

"I'm sorry..." I managed to whisper out of painfully clenched teeth.

Tears matted his face, soaked the cheeks of my brothers. My convulsing slowed even though the pain only intensified. My muscle was dying.

"Donny...what happened...?" Leo whispered. He clutched my hand, his jaw trembled. I smiled. There was Leo, still trying to be strong in front of the others.

"Wasn't enough..." they looked hard at me and I smiled. The vessels had since burst in my mouth, blood oozed out of my lips even as I spoke. "Mine was fake..." I swallowed hard, my breath coming in gurgling gasps. My lungs were pooled with blood, I knew. It was only a matter of time... "I love you guys..." I whispered hoarsely, blood dribbling on my chin.

Mikey started bawling, sobbing hard on my chest and Raph punched the wall, tears flowing unchecked down his cheeks. Leo was holding my hand tightly, sliently letting his tears flow and Splinter smiled sadly at me even as I felt my heart give a weak flutter from it's eaten muscles. He stroked my head slowly, clutching my hand with his other. "My son, my brave, brave son..."

Suddenly the tension eased out of me and my muscles relaxed. I could even feel the last attempt of my heart, a weak pitiful pump, before it gave up entirely. Slowly I closed my eyes, the last thing in my field of vision bieng my family.

It was my choice.

* * *

A/N: I know this sort of idea of one brother dying is so overdone and overplayed, but I hope that I was able to bring a bit of originality to it. I just had to write it so I did. I don't normally do Don POV, or at least in this sort of scene so I with luck I played him well enough to your satisfaction. For those of you who were wondering, I was originally going to do Raph bleeding to death after a battle but something made me do Donny instead! Please review and let me know what you think about it. In any case, I hope you enjoyed it and all of you have a happy new year!

Toodles!


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